We live in the big city on a cul-de-sac.  If I were to walk out my front door, I can get to our main town park in minutes and to the grocery store in about 10 minutes.  That is if I walk.  But I eat cupcakes.  So I drive.  And it’s faster.

I normally wake at 5:00 a.m. grab a cup of coffee and read emails.  It is always so quiet this time of morning with only the sounds of the robins and most recently a few mallards.  Pray for me that they lay eggs in our bushes again this year.  Thank you.

But yesterday morning I was in dreamland living on a beach somewhere not realizing I was listening to the sounds of seagulls.

Let me take you back to a recent conversation with my husband;

Me:  Mark we need to get a garbage can instead of leaving bags on the curb.

Mark:  If we get a garbage can it will attract mice and raccoons.

Me:  Ok.

I’m easy that way because … well … I don’t touch the garbage.

Back to yesterday morning.

I was reading emails in lala land dreaming of never eating cupcakes again so I can fit in that string bikini … with a nice golden tan … painted toenails … and sipping a pina colada listening to the sounds of the seagulls.

Until it turned into the horrifying sound of wild birds fighting.

You don’t normally see this around here unless you’re at the mall throwing french fries out your car window.  Not that I do that or anything.

Did you notice my neighbor’s garbage is neatly set at the curb in cans?  But ours is … well … just throw on the curb waiting for a seagull to enjoy a leftover steak bone.  And they were fighting over the leftover steak bone like a bunch of wild dogs.

Being the “I love critters and want to hug them” kind of girl … I was worried they might choke on the steak bone.

So I handled the situation like I always do …

I call my husband to deal with it.

Me:  Mark, there are about 500 seagulls in our cul-de-sac fighting over a steak bone from our garbage that isn’t in cans.  If we had a garbage can we wouldn’t have this problem.  But we don’t.  So now I feel obligated to run out and chance a seagull knowing he might choke on your steak bone.  Yea that’s right.  Bird attack.  In my pajamas.

911 what’s your emergency:  The crazy neighbor lady is out front again except this time she’s chasing seagulls in her pajamas and they just attacked her.

Because that’s what will happen you know.

Mark:  Jody, I’m at work.

Me: K, bye.

And then the seagulls flew off into the sunset with their steak bone.

Have a good day all … I’m off to buy a garbage can.

P.S. – When my husband reads this tonight this will be his exact response, “Damn my grass looks good.”  While I’m standing there with bandages all over my head.

See the original article at TheHuntersWife.net